This movie did not scare US at ALL

 

We fell for it.

The previews with the old cool songs we hadn’t heard in years. The rave reviews saying finally we have a new horror film maker!  We couldn’t wait to see the new thriller US. Probably because we wanted so badly for it to be truly inventive and scary. The genre needs a good kick in the pants and we are ready for it. We bought the soda and the large popcorn with extra butter. Scare us Jordan Peele!

Sigh…sadly, it did not scare US.

But that has not stopped the advertising machine telling everyone on the planet this movie will give you nightmares!! Its making millions at the box office!!!

Well it did give me nightmares. I’m still waking up sweating and mad that we spent $50 at an IMAX on opening night only to end up rolling my eyes so hard I might have sprained one.

Come on Jordan! “Jason” is the kids name and he wears a mask and doesn’t talk much???? Jaws t-shirt at the beach??? Nod to the genre you say? No that was lame and obvious!!!

People living under ground coming up to grunt at US? Mr. Peele are you serious? What is original or even scary about that idea except people were paid extraordinary amounts of money to make this nonsense!?!?

The minute Lupita #2 in red opens her mouth and grunts “they are Americans”, the audience in our theater giggled!

WHAT?!? This is a thriller!! we are supposed to be scared of a sore throat croak????

I’m still making fun of that performance days later and think we should all do a #lupitagrunts challenge.

Fuck the Police. Great song. No shit. Yawn.

Your lame movie “family” CALLED the police! So whats your point?

MAYBE, since you had the whole cliche “white wealthy family” (dads a douche, mom drinks wine and gets face lifts, daughters are bitches…next) die from our staring black family, covered in their blood, responsible for their gruesome demise, you should have actually LET the police come and have your family try to explain. NO Officers! these dead folk aren’t really who they appear to be. They are the TETHERED! We are allowed to mutilate them.

That sounds dumb too huh?

Because it is! The whole story was dumb. Certainly not scary. Tell me, if all of these red jumpsuit wearing crazies are supposed to be lined up holding hands across America ( laughing still that THIS was the center of the story!!) then why are they able to kill everyone? Their hands were full!

The end shot of helicopters seeing the red jumpsuits across the land was so far passed idiotic I think that’s when I dislodged a contact eye rolling so hard.

Mr. Peele, go back to good old fashion story writing. This story was just dumb. It didn’t work for US.

 

 

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