Growing, changing, recreating me here in Gold Canyon has been nothing short of scary and painful. Unwilling to limit myself to what had been available, I set out to make some serious changes in my world determined to find what I was looking for before it was too late and my time was through.
Small battles I wage against myself daily. Can my mental withstand what it is going to take to move to the next level? Or will I become weak and give up, turning around with my tail between my legs defeated? Will the harsh reality of what it takes to make real change stop me?
Well that answer is no. NO! Hell no. I’m just too old, too stubborn and to determine to not live a life that wasn’t meant for me. I have a purpose. We all do.
Not exactly sure my purpose has a specific title, I run towards it anyways. The fire inside too strong to ignore I just continue on, knowing that I know for once it is right.
Fear consumes every second but it will not control me. I’m starting to believe it’s what drives me. My talents will be found and put to use where they belong. I know it.
My journey has taken me into territory so foreign I barely speak the language but seem to get by with my smile and goodwill. The generosity of spirit, love, and energy to continue on sent to me from across the globe is astounding. To think my energy and love was received and felt a world away via the internet is powerful. Even if it went to one person it was worth the effort.
PBS has a contest for photos of Arizona. http://www.capturemyarizona.com They pick the best photos and put them on the T.V screen behind their information. Beautiful pictures from some really amazing photographers.
Everything in my life right now is about taking that extra step to see just what might happen if I did. So I wrote down the information and went to look at my collection of pictures I have taken since I started all of this.
Fear screamed at me so loud I almost fell out of my chair. “What? A contest? You can’t be serious. You use an iPad. Have you seen the photos on the website? Seriously?”
But my heart said do it. So what if they don’t like any of your pictures? YOU DO.
I refused to put out the ones that I saw as my best work. So damaged from life, I hold special things very close. I could handle the rejection if it wasn’t my “best” work. I could give them “really good”. So I did.
No I didn’t win anything. I just put my pictures up a couple of days ago. But the community of photographers that have viewed me in the two days I have been in the contest have been nothing short of amazing. Votes and likes and loves and positive comments came from out of nowhere at me. People who have no idea just how hard it was for me to get to the point that any of this was possible.
I can live through the uncertainty. I can create scared. I can create through tears. What I can’t seem to do is stop. So I won’t.